Friday, November 20, 2009

hahahahha I love this one-liner from The Onion...Pigeon Trying To Act Nonchalant About Fresh Vomit On Sidewalk

Pigeon Trying To Act Nonchalant About Fresh Vomit On Sidewalk

11.03.09 | Issue 45•45

Lincoln's Letter to Boy Goes on Sale

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posted: 20 HOURS 58 MINUTES AGO
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(Nov. 19) -- In March of 1861, a new president had just been sworn in and the nation was on the brink of civil war. Yet Abraham Lincoln still found a moment to come to the defense of a kid whose schoolmates were picking on him.
The letter President Lincoln sent to 8-year-old George Patten is up for sale.
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President Lincoln's letter to George Patten
The Raab Collection/AP

President Lincoln wrote this note to confirm he had met 8-year-old George Patten.

The boy, whose father was a journalist, had told all his friends he'd shaken Lincoln's hand. They didn't believe him and mocked George for claiming he'd met the man who was now president. So his teacher wrote a letter to the White House hoping to learn the truth.
The president responded in a brief note dated March 19 and sent to the boy in New York City.
"Whom it may concern, I did see and talk with master George Evans Patten, last May, at Springfield, Illinois. Respectfully, A Lincoln"
The Raab Collection expects to get about $60,000 for the letter, The Associated Press reported. This is the only know surviving letter Lincoln wrote to an individual child, according to the Philadelphia-based dealer.
However, Lincoln did write to a group of 195 children who sent him a petition in 1864, The Guardian reported.
The kids asked the president to free "all the slave children in this country."
On April 5, Lincoln replied.
"Please tell these little people I am very glad their young hearts are so full of just and generous sympathy, and that while I have not the power to grant all they ask, I trust that they will remember that God has, and that, as it seems, He wills to do it."
The letter sold last year for $3.4 million, a record for a manuscript in the U.S

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Police Use Taser on 10-Year-Old Girl

AP
posted: 3 HOURS 11 MINUTES AGO
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OZARK, Ark. (Nov. 18) -- A police officer in a small Arkansas town used a stun gun on an unruly 10-year-old girl after he said her mother gave him permission to do so. Now the town's mayor is calling for an investigation into whether the Taser use was appropriate.
According to a report by Officer Dustin Bradshaw, obtained Wednesday by The Associated Press, police were called to the Ozark home Nov. 11 because of a domestic disturbance. When he arrived, the girl was curled up on the floor, screaming, the report said.
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Bradshaw's report said the girl screamed, kicked and resisted any time her mother tried to get her in the shower before bed.
"Her mother told me to tase her if I needed to," Bradshaw wrote.
The child was "violently kicking and verbally combative" when Bradshaw tried to take her into custody, and she kicked him in the groin. So he delivered "a very brief drive stun to her back," the report said.
The names of the girl and her mother were redacted in the report.
Ozark Mayor Vernon McDaniel said Wednesday that the girl wasn't injured and is now at the Western Arkansas Youth Shelter in Cecil.
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Matt Joyce, AP
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Bud Grose, above, was driving an antique tractor in a Wyoming town parade on Aug. 1 when, according to police, he disobeyed an officer's traffic command. Two policemen then chased the 76-year-old Grose and one of them stunned him with a Taser him five times. Both officers were fired in September.
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Taser Incidents
Bud Grose, above, was driving an antique tractor in a Wyoming town parade on Aug. 1 when, according to police, he disobeyed an officer's traffic command. Two policemen then chased 76-year-old Grose and one of them Tasered him five times. Both officers were fired in September.
Matt Joyce, AP
Matt Joyce, AP
But McDaniel said he wants Arkansas State Police — and if they decline, the FBI — to investigate the incident. The state police declined his request Tuesday.
"People here feel like that he made a mistake in using a Taser, and maybe he did, but we will not know until we get an impartial investigation," McDaniel said.
Police Chief Jim Noggle said Tasers are a safe way to subdue someone who's a danger to themself or others. No disciplinary action was taken against Bradshaw, he said.
"We didn't use the Taser to punish the child — just to bring the child under control so she wouldn't hurt herself or somebody else," Noggle said.
If the officer tried to forcefully put the girl in handcuffs, he could have accidentally broken her arm or leg, Noggle said.
He said a touch of the stun gun — "less than a second" — stopped the girl from being unruly, and she was handcuffed, he said.
"She got up immediately and they put her in the patrol car," McDaniel said.
Noggle said the girl will face disorderly conduct charges as a juvenile in the incident.
The girl's father, Anthony Medlock, told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that his daughter has emotional problems, but that she didn't have a weapon and shouldn't have been Tasered.
"My daughter does not deserve to be tased and be treated like an animal," said Medlock, who is divorced from the girl's mother and does not have custody.
Steve Tuttle, a spokesman for Taser, said it's up to individual law enforcement agencies to decide when Taser use is appropriate.
In some cases, a Taser "presents the safer response to resistance compared with the alternatives such as fists, kicks, baton strikes, bean bag guns, chemical agents, or canine response," Tuttle said in a statement.
The police chief, who has been Tasered twice himself during training sessions, said his department has never had to Taser a child or elderly person before, but that in some instances, that could be necessary to ensure safety.
"We don't want to do things like this," Noggle said. "This is something we have to do. We're required to maintain order and keep the peace."
Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. Active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Burglars Heat Bottle Up for Baby
jupiterimages

Burglars Heat Bottle Up For Baby

Burglars who broke into an Eastside, Ind. home stopped stealing long enough to heat up a bottle for a crying baby, according to theIndianapolis Star newspaper.

Two armed men, one with a shotgun and one with a handgun, forced their way into the home and tied the residents up, pistol whipping one of them, the story said. To quiet a crying baby, one of the men heated a bottle in the microwave and allowed the 14-year-old to feed him before making off with a computer, TV, a computer-game console, cell phones and money, the story said.

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BEST BURGLARS EVER


    hahahahahaha this comes from The Onion Online Newspaper...

    OANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.

    ENLARGE IMAGEMan Dies

    Bereaved family members say Seaborne was much too young to be taken by a gorilla (inset).

    According to his wife, Christine—one of the few people who was aware of his courageous struggle—Seaborne chose to fight the muscular, quarter-ton primate in private night after night in hopes of maintaining as normal a life as was possible for his family.

    "In some ways, I'm relieved that it's finally over and David can be at peace," said a tearful Mrs. Seaborne, clutching at a recent photograph of her husband, most of his hair missing after being ripped from his scalp by the rampaging jungle beast. "To watch him seclude himself in that basement every night and know that he was about to be in an unimaginable amount of pain—it just became too much to bear."

    "He fought that terrible gorilla with every last ounce of strength he had, but in the end, David's body just couldn't handle it anymore," Mrs. Seaborne added. "Every morning, he'd look at me with tired eyes and deep scratches across his face, and he'd say, 'Honey, I'm going to beat this thing.' God, he was brave."

    Mrs. Seaborne said she's used most of her husband's life insurance payout to start the David Seaborne Foundation, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of those battling gorillas or other great apes. According to the foundation's website, the growing problem affects one in every 29 million Americans, and one in every 80 Congolese.

    Although Seaborne never let on to friends or coworkers that he was desperately fighting for his life with a violent primate, many suspected that something was wrong.

    "I noticed that David had lost a lot of weight over the past couple of months, especially when he came in with his arm torn off," fellow claims adjuster Kevin Delano said. "He also left work early a lot for doctor's appointments, or when he was just too weak to make it through the day. Still, with all he was going through, David never complained."

    The few people who knew of his hardship said that, even toward the end of his ordeal, when Seaborne was often completely covered in feces, the gorilla never managed to rob him of his dignity.

    Dr. Earl Patterson, the physician who treated Seaborne throughout his life-or-death battle, initially gave Seaborne just six months to live. Though the prognosis was grim, Patterson said that, with the help of powerful tranquilizers, Seaborne was able to beat back the gorilla several times, and his situation started to look more promising.

    The gorilla, however, eventually stopped responding to the drugs and returned with a vengeance.

    "If we had caught this thing earlier, before its growth got completely out of control, David would have had a much better chance of survival," Patterson said. "But after it reached the silverback stage, it was only a matter of time."

    "I tried to make David as comfortable as possible, and even gave him a helmet, but at that point the most we could do was pray," Patterson added.

    Patterson said that he has strongly urged Seaborne's wife to take preventative measures to protect the couple's three sons, aged 9, 12, and 15, from suffering the same fate as their father.

    "Because these things tend to run in the family, Jonathan, Patrick, and David Jr. are in a very high risk group," Patterson said. "Realistically, though, there just isn't a whole lot that can be done. After all, that gorilla is still in their basement."


    SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY

    Cell Phone Stuck In 2-Year Contract With Local Man

    OCTOBER 14, 2009 | ISSUE 45•42

    LAS CRUCES, NM—Though it has been the victim of rampant physical and verbal abuse and feels terrorized by its demanding, possessive partner, a local Samsung SPH-M300 mobile phone cannot get out of its two-year contract with area man Alex Toth. Eyewitnesses have reported seeing Toth, 28, lose his temper and shout at the phone on multiple occasions, often slamming it shut and calling it obscene names. "Sadly, we see this sort of thing all the time," said Peter Lishchenko, a repair specialist with Samsung who has taken the phone in three times in the past six months. "They say they accidentally dropped it down the stairs or whatever, but you know something else is going on." When reached for comment, the SPH-M300 said that Alex Toth is not available and to please press '1' or wait for the tone to leave a message.